Thursday, February 5, 2009

It's Not "Goodbye"...Just "See You Soon"

I've known for a while now that I'm totally addicted to the Internet. Once I joined such social networking sites as Twitter and Facebook, it was the end of my social and home life as I know it. Well, almost. I still get out occasionally to meet up with the moms in my new play group, and B and I have been to quite a few gaming parties at our house and elsewhere. However, I've found that most of my downtime has been spent in front of my laptop screen, mindlessly soaking up random bits of entertainment or information. I'd love to be able to say that while I'm surfing the 'Nets, my son is getting in his daily nap or is in bed for the night. But, I'm going to be completely honest and say that usually, I've turned on the TV, so he can watch "Blue's Clues", and I can e-mail or Tweet in peace. It's totally selfish of me and probably one of the worst things I can do to my child. Well, probably not the worst, but the guilt my actions cause me to feel makes it appear that way. And, I would love to blame all of this on the cold weather, and being stuck in the house all day because of it, but that's not really an excuse. I was doing this way before winter hit us. Honestly, I think I'm just lonely and looking for some way to spend my time without sitting around and moping and wondering what other people are doing right at this moment. I love my son, but I'm finding it increasingly hard to enjoy him all day at home. He no longer naps and requires a lot of attention from me and his father, since, obviously, he has no one else with whom to play. I really want to have fun with him, but sometimes, I'm bored. Is that a terrible thing for me to say? Anyway, I'm finding my Internet habits are causing me to become increasingly impatient with him, which just isn't fair to either of us. Also, after having a conversation with my husband last night, it seems the Internet is harming our relationship as well. Actually, I think it's both my Internet habits and his video game habits. I know his video games are a way for him to relax, and I totally respect that, especially because he works so hard. However, we've spent many a night at home lately with him in front of the TV playing his XBox 360 and me in front of my laptop Twittering away about nothing in particular, and with very little interaction between us besides a quick kiss after he gets home from work and another quick kiss before he goes to bed. And, long after he and our son have gone to sleep, I'm still up past midnight checking my Facebook page or, again, Tweeting about some nonsense or other. How did we let technology take over our lives like that? It seemed to happened so easily. Anyway, to finally get to the point, and yes, I do have one, I'm going to put some limits on my Internet usage from now on. I haven't formed a complete plan, yet, but it'll probably be something that involves a timer or alarm of some kind and setting aside a particular time each day to do such things as check my e-mail and maybe read a favorite blog or webcomic (or two). I'm not giving up my Twitter or Facebook accounts, but I definitely need to limit my time on both sites. I'm telling you this now because it means I probably won't be blogging as much as I have in the past. I really enjoy this form of expression, but it's become another way for me to take the time I should be spending with my loved ones and, instead, using it to probably just bore other people about things happening in my life that are really only relevant to me and my family. I do thank all of you who come by here regularly. I have really appreciated all your thoughts and kind words over the past months. And, I promise to try to blog whenever I can or feel up to it. It's just that right now, I don't feel like there's anything particularly interesting going on in my life, so why take the time to expound on some weird, geeky webcomic that only I would appreciate, when I could be reading a book to my son? I hope I haven't offended any of you with what I've written. Just know that I'll write when I can. Right now, I need to really concentrate on what's important. That being said, I'm going to close my laptop, and go play with V.

Also, I've found that having a broken laptop screen that constantly threatens to fall on my fingers gives me another reason to limit my computer time.
Best to you all,

1 comment:

Aliceson said...

That was too true. There's a reason I don't facebook or twitter, blogging takes up enough of my time. Only I don't have a laptop so I have to go out to the kitchen if I must blog at 2AM.

I came over from Momma Bear's site and loved your post there. Hope you will continue to blog when you can.