10. In the end, it's all worth it!

It's very appropriate that I'm ending my list of "Things I Learned During My Husband's Residency" on the eve of my husband's first day in his new practice. He technically won't be seeing patients until the end of the week, but tomorrow morning, he will be getting up and going into the office to start his journey as a doctor in the "real world". And, after reflecting on all of the long hours and hard work he put in during his residency and all of the time I spent on my own, I realize that it was all truly worth it. We gained so many positive experiences in Ohio. We both made a plethora (yes, I said "plethora") of friends, both in our individual workplaces and outside of work. We found out what it was like to be independent adults away from our families, and then, after having our son, discovered the importance of having our families close and involved in our lives. I gave birth to an amazing little boy who surprises both of us daily, keeps us on our toes, and is our shining light of hope for the future of our planet. I opened my eyes and mind to new ideas in regards to living a more green, organic, and holistic lifestyle, which I'm nowhere near to achieving, but slowly making progress, I think. I became physically and mentally healthy by changing my diet somewhat, exercising regularly, and finding new hobbies and interests. (I've kind of fallen off the wagon when it comes to eating healthy and exercising, but that will change when we join the local YMCA. I have, however, taken up knitting again, which I haven't done in years and have found quite relaxing.) Finally, my husband and I discovered a common interest (gaming) that has allowed us to renew our relationship in many ways, make lots of new friends (and to be open to making new friends, which used to be a hard thing for me to do) and have fun along the way. Residency was a hard journey for both of us, but we're better and stronger people for traveling it and for successfully reaching the next point in our lives. I don't know if the journey will get any easier, but I do know that because of our previous experiences, we'll get through it just fine because we'll do it together. To all of you reading this, thank you for sharing in the journey with us. I hope you enjoy the ride along the way.
Namaste, and best to you all,
Amanda

9. There will be times when you'll feel like a married single parent. You're not alone.

Wow, I realized I'm almost at the end of my list of "Things I Learned During My Husband's Residency". It makes me wonder what I'll talk about after I reach number 10! Actually, it won't be difficult for me to come up with SOMETHING to discuss, since it seems as though SOMETHING usually comes up at just the right time! I think I thought up the idea of being a "married single parent" while chatting with a fellow mommy in my son's play group and trying to describe what it's like to live with a spouse who at that time was constantly working and away from home. I touched on this briefly in my last post. Residency can be difficult enough on a couple without the addition of a baby. Bring a child into the world and the equation, and it's a whole other ballgame. I was very lucky after our son was born to not only have my husband home with me for a whole week (per his employer's paternity leave policy and some saved vacation time), but I also had both my mother and my mother-in-law spend time with me after he went back to work. I needed their help while I recuperated from the C-section and tried to get my son to breastfeed successfully rather than chew me to bits. It was a very trying time for me, and I couldn't imagine doing it completely on my own as many single moms do. After the "honeymoon" phase and our moms went back to their homes and it was just us and the baby, the realization hit me that I was pretty much on my own when it came to raising our son. My husband did the best he could with helping out, but as I've said many times, his work schedule didn't really accommodate for parenting time. I think the worst month for both of us was when our son was just a couple of months old, and my husband had to work a night float rotation. I truly discovered what it was like to be single with a baby because B worked four nights a week, slept during the day when he was home, and was awake at night during the weekends while I slept, giving us very little time during the day together to enjoy our new son. This schedule did help us out extremely well when our son still wasn't sleeping through night, and my husband could take him for a few hours while I got some much needed rest during the weekend. However, during the week, I had to figure out how to manage night time feedings, day time housework, and the growing demands of a newborn. Luckily, we got through it and moved on, and the whole parenting thing got a little easier day by day. One of my biggest worries about B's occupation and having a new family was the amount of time he was able to spend with our son and to see him grow and develop. It was hard to have B come home and hear all about how V rolled over for the first time, or scooted across the floor for the first time, or said his first recognizable word. I know in my heart that he really hated missing all of that. However, having me home full time made up for that a little, I think (I hope). When V's first birthday rolled around, B realized that he was scheduled to be on-call at the hospital. Luckily, he was able to switch his shift with another resident and be a part of our little celebration. I know we could have had the party any time during the week, and our son wouldn't have known the difference, but the first one is always special, and even though it was just me, B, my father-in-law (he was in town helping us with some landscaping), and the birthday boy, we had a wonderful time watching V try his first chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream. Now, our son is almost 2 years old, and though things got even easier over the past year and B had more time with us occasionally, it was still very busy for all of us. My son and I have been so lucky to have this small amount of time with my husband between residency and his first day of "real" work. We've been able to settle into our new home, go on a real family vacation, and spend time with friends and family who we haven't seen in months or even years. It makes me a little sad that my husband will have to start working in a couple of weeks and will start missing out on V's little moments, again. The fear of the unknown is there, too, because we have no idea what to expect with his office hours, surgery schedule, and home calls for the office and hospital. He reassures me that it'll be very different from residency because he joined an OB/GYN practice full of other parents like us, who know the importance of family. It all sounds very promising. We'll discover the difference between residency and "the real world" on August 1. Keep your fingers crossed for us! ;)
Best to you all,
Amanda

What I've Learned Along The Way: Part I (with a Disclaimer)

My plan for this blog at first is to share what I've learned during my husband's four years of residency, both about myself and about the residency job in general. Remember, residency really IS a job. As soon as a medical student graduates from medical school, he or she is no longer a student, but an M.D. without the specific training for his/her preferred field. I in no way want to diminish the importance of medical school, since many people marry during this critical time in life, just as my husband and I did. However, personally, it's been over four years since my husband was a student, and after caring for a baby as well as for my husband and my home, I've forgotten some of the events of our first three years of marriage. I do remember that it was a difficult, time-consuming four years for my husband, filled with studying and exams with lots of opportunities for fun scattered throughout. However, I also remember that I worked full-time when he was in school and spent many a late evening at my office job, so we kind of balanced each other out when it came to working long hours. Since residency is a more recent occurrence for my husband and myself, I will focus more on it's impact in our lives. First, a disclaimer: Every residency program is different, just as every man and woman is different. The things I'll be discussing in the following posts will not apply to everyone. However, I feel I've spoken to enough physician spouses to discover that there are similarities between our situations. If you are the spouse of a physician, or even the spouse of someone with a career that takes them away from home and family for most of the week, then please feel free to chime in in the comments section with your thoughts, either here or in future posts. I would like this blog to be both an "advice column" (using the term "advice" very loosely, since I feel I'm not qualified to advise most people on anything) as well as a discussion forum for peoples' thoughts, feelings, and own revelations concerning their personal situations.
So, shall we begin? In my next blog post, I hope to list the specific things I've learned while traveling with my husband through the journey that is residency. I will be using the metaphor of "a journey" a lot in my blog, I think. Because, really, what is life, but a journey with our loved ones? Hope to see you along the way!
Best to you all,
Amanda