9. There will be times when you'll feel like a married single parent. You're not alone.

Wow, I realized I'm almost at the end of my list of "Things I Learned During My Husband's Residency". It makes me wonder what I'll talk about after I reach number 10! Actually, it won't be difficult for me to come up with SOMETHING to discuss, since it seems as though SOMETHING usually comes up at just the right time! I think I thought up the idea of being a "married single parent" while chatting with a fellow mommy in my son's play group and trying to describe what it's like to live with a spouse who at that time was constantly working and away from home. I touched on this briefly in my last post. Residency can be difficult enough on a couple without the addition of a baby. Bring a child into the world and the equation, and it's a whole other ballgame. I was very lucky after our son was born to not only have my husband home with me for a whole week (per his employer's paternity leave policy and some saved vacation time), but I also had both my mother and my mother-in-law spend time with me after he went back to work. I needed their help while I recuperated from the C-section and tried to get my son to breastfeed successfully rather than chew me to bits. It was a very trying time for me, and I couldn't imagine doing it completely on my own as many single moms do. After the "honeymoon" phase and our moms went back to their homes and it was just us and the baby, the realization hit me that I was pretty much on my own when it came to raising our son. My husband did the best he could with helping out, but as I've said many times, his work schedule didn't really accommodate for parenting time. I think the worst month for both of us was when our son was just a couple of months old, and my husband had to work a night float rotation. I truly discovered what it was like to be single with a baby because B worked four nights a week, slept during the day when he was home, and was awake at night during the weekends while I slept, giving us very little time during the day together to enjoy our new son. This schedule did help us out extremely well when our son still wasn't sleeping through night, and my husband could take him for a few hours while I got some much needed rest during the weekend. However, during the week, I had to figure out how to manage night time feedings, day time housework, and the growing demands of a newborn. Luckily, we got through it and moved on, and the whole parenting thing got a little easier day by day. One of my biggest worries about B's occupation and having a new family was the amount of time he was able to spend with our son and to see him grow and develop. It was hard to have B come home and hear all about how V rolled over for the first time, or scooted across the floor for the first time, or said his first recognizable word. I know in my heart that he really hated missing all of that. However, having me home full time made up for that a little, I think (I hope). When V's first birthday rolled around, B realized that he was scheduled to be on-call at the hospital. Luckily, he was able to switch his shift with another resident and be a part of our little celebration. I know we could have had the party any time during the week, and our son wouldn't have known the difference, but the first one is always special, and even though it was just me, B, my father-in-law (he was in town helping us with some landscaping), and the birthday boy, we had a wonderful time watching V try his first chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream. Now, our son is almost 2 years old, and though things got even easier over the past year and B had more time with us occasionally, it was still very busy for all of us. My son and I have been so lucky to have this small amount of time with my husband between residency and his first day of "real" work. We've been able to settle into our new home, go on a real family vacation, and spend time with friends and family who we haven't seen in months or even years. It makes me a little sad that my husband will have to start working in a couple of weeks and will start missing out on V's little moments, again. The fear of the unknown is there, too, because we have no idea what to expect with his office hours, surgery schedule, and home calls for the office and hospital. He reassures me that it'll be very different from residency because he joined an OB/GYN practice full of other parents like us, who know the importance of family. It all sounds very promising. We'll discover the difference between residency and "the real world" on August 1. Keep your fingers crossed for us! ;)
Best to you all,
Amanda

8. After counting your responsibilities, try counting your blessings, too!

I think this particular bit of advice is hard for a lot of people to remember, me included. When my husband was in residency and working all the time, I took on a lot of responsibilities that were probably shared between us before. I did almost all of the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning around the house, gardening, paying bills, taking care of our son, and running various other errands. Before we had our son, I also worked full-time in an office, so I had that added on top of everything else. I even learned how to mow the lawn after we bought our first house and found that it could be a stress relieving experience! It's not that my husband wasn't capable of doing any of these things. He was just very busy with work, and most of the time when he came home from the hospital, he brought work with him. There was very little time left in the day for him to do any of the mundane things at home. All of that added responsibility made me very stressed and unhappy some days. Sometimes, I just wanted to throw in the towel and forget about everything I needed to do. However, my house and (later) my son were a constant reminder that nothing magically takes care of itself and that really, my situation wasn't as bad as I kept making it out to be. I had to remember that I was blessed with many opportunities, people, and things in my life, which I was taking for granted because I was letting all the little things get me down. I still have to take time out now and then to count my blessings, so I'd like to provide a list of them here in my blog in the hopes that I'll come back and read it every so often to keep me in the correct frame of mind.

I'm blessed in life because:
1. I have a wonderful husband who takes care of me emotionally, psychologically, physically, socially, and financially. He has a lot of his own responsibilities in life, and I think he takes it all in stride in a way that I wish I could emulate. He is able to work to provide for our family, and he knows how to have fun and keep things lighthearted and spontaneous. I love him dearly and hope he knows it every day.
2. I have a beautiful baby boy who reminds me constantly how precious life can be. He's physically, mentally, and socially healthy. He keeps me young and reminds me that I have to take time to play every day. His giggle is my favorite sound in the world, and I love that I have the opportunity to stay home with him and watch him grow and develop in every little way.
3. I have TWO families who love me and wish all the best for me and my husband. I'm talking about both my immediate family (Mom, Dad, my brother, and my sister) as well as the family I married into (my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, and my two sisters-in-law). They've all been supportive of our endeavors and have been pretty understanding about all of those times when we've missed holidays and get togethers because of B's work schedule. We're very blessed to have all of our parents still alive and enjoying life, and our son is blessed to have four grandparents who love him deeply. They'd all do anything for us if we just asked, and I have to remember that they have more life experience than I do, so their advice should always be taken to heart. All of our sisters and brothers are wonderful people with their own talents and personalities, and they make life fun and exciting for everyone. I am truly blessed to have so many amazing people in my family!
4. I have lots and lots and lots of friends living near and far, who care deeply for me and my family and who bring fun and joy into my life. Whether they're other parents like me or my gaming buddies or college friends who've been through thick and thin with me and B, each and every one of them has a special place in my heart. I really couldn't have gotten this far in life without my friends, and I love every single one of them for who they are and how they've touched me in some way. Since I have the opportunity to do so, I'd like to thank all of them for being a part of my life! I'm not going to name names here, but I think you all know who you are. ;)
5. My family has a beautiful home, a pantry and refrigerator full of food, comfortable beds, and enough money to pay our bills and to take care of our basic needs and wants. Our current living situation is not lost on me, especially now, with gas and food prices at all time highs and many people struggling to live day to day. We are truly blessed to not have to worry about where we'll be sleeping, where and when we'll have our next meal, and how we'll be paying for everything we need to survive.
6. We live in a safe, quiet neighborhood free of violence. Our son will never have to be afraid to go outside and play, and he'll have many opportunities to make friends, learn new hobbies, and develop new talents as he grows older.
7. Most importantly, I'm physically and mentally healthy and able to take care of my family and my home. I still have the ability to have more children when I choose to have them, and I'm still young and active enough to keep up with my son. My brain is still active and always ready to learn something new. I have so many opportunities for my own personal growth and development, and I hope I don't waste a single one of them.

There are so many more blessings I could list, but I think these are the most basic and important for me to remember every single day. After I post this, I'm going to take some time to enjoy my family, since I'm blessed to have my husband home with me and my son for a couple of more weeks before he starts his new job.
Namaste and blessings to you all,
Amanda