Being The "Bad Mommy"

Do you ever have days when you hate being a parent? Actually, let me rephrase that. I don't hate being a parent. I dislike being the "bad" parent most of the time. You know, the one who's always saying, "No, you can't have another such and such (insert applicable foodstuff here) because we'll be eating dinner soon", "No, you can't play with the video game controller right now because we have to leave the store", and, the one that makes me the worst parent of all, "It's time for a nap". I had to use that last phrase today much to my 2-year-old son's chagrin. Because he's been "paci-less" since last week, getting him to sleep has been very difficult. At night, it's easier for him to realize it's time to sleep because it's dark outside and both Mommy and Daddy are in bed and ready to sleep, too. However, nap time occurs during the day when it's still light and nobody else but him is going to bed. He still desperately needs his afternoon nap, but he's been fighting it ever since he realized it was much more fun to be awake and playing. Today was the mother of all struggles. I think it lasted an hour. We watched some "Little Bear" in the family room, and when I noticed him acting tired around 2 o'clock, I told him it was time to take a nap. Then, we went up to our bedroom, and I put him on our queen-sized bed and laid down next to him to help him fall asleep. That's when the screaming and the kicking and the wiggling to get down ensued. I tried holding him and rocking him. I tried hugging him and rubbing his back. I tried singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star". Nothing calmed him down. He sat up and screamed and begged in his toddler gibberish to get down from the bed. And each time, I laid him back down, which only resulted in more screaming and kicking. At one point, I wanted to cry myself. I've become so tired of the daily struggles at nap time. Before, popping paci into his mouth made him realize it was time to rest. Now that he doesn't have paci to help him fall asleep, we're back to square one in that learning process. I've been going crazy trying to find a way to help him. He has a little white stuffed rabbit that seems to be his new attachment, but even it didn't help today. An hour laying with him and listening to him scream finally resulted in him dropping into a heap onto my shoulder and finally falling asleep because he was exhausted. That just can't be healthy. We tried the "crying out" method with him when we tried to get him to sleep in his crib, and it never worked because he'd scream for two hours without stopping to breathe, it seemed. Now, it appears we're back to that at nap time, even with me in the room. And, every time it happens, I feel like the worst mommy in the world. I ask myself time and again why I can't get my son to sleep. It's one of the most natural things in the world to do, and yet, he just can't seem to do it. I'm always envious of other moms who say their children ALWAYS go to bed at seven or eight o'clock every night and ALWAYS go down for their nap at such and such time without a peep. What I wouldn't give for a little time to myself or with my husband every night! I think I could be a much better mommy during the day. Lately, it seems as though once he's napping, my son sleeps for two or three hours, so I get a little break from the chaos, but it's usually spent doing housework or something "productive". Maybe as he gets older and starts to understand more, things will get a little easier, and we'll see a little more improvement in his ability to fall asleep. I've already noticed he sleeps through the night without paci because he's not waking up to find it when it inevitably falls out. So, there is some good in me being the "bad mommy" and not buying a new paci to replace the lost ones. I just hope I remember that when nap time rolls around again...